it was one year ago today that I left Colorado… on an appropriately dark, gray, rainy morning, 6 A.M. I left that morning with an odd numbness – leaving the house I was in for 10 years after getting rid of nearly everything that a 2200 SF house can hold, and not knowing too much about what was in store for me… and no long-term plan. I knew what I am doing for the next six months, but beyond that I did not know. I still only know about what I am doing for the next year, and yes… I am good with that.
Wow… it is hard to believe that it has been a year already. So much has happened in this last year and a half. It was damn tough as I stated before, but I made it out standing up and not too badly bruised. Just had to put on a clean shirt without the tire tracks across the back. Nothing left behind but a chalk outline on the sidewalk.
During a conversation I was having I said “…it is kind of like living in a motel. You have no home to go back to, and it feels temporary, but I am good with it.”. I made this choice, unwinding life as I knew it and tossing it and all its trappings aside in exchange for the freedom to live my life in a way that most people think is crazy and probably will not understand.
It made me think a bit more about the term “home” and what I had said above. I touched on this briefly in a previous post, and my bro “I. P. Nitely” commented about it and we are on the same page it appears.
Is home where you were born? Where you grew up? Where you live now? Perhaps you are one of those who consider some place called “heaven” home. There are so many ways to look at it, I guess, but for me it boils down to where I am the happiest and the place I choose and want to be living. That is not to say that all previous places I lived were bad; some were just a hell of a lot better than the others. Some places WERE definitely bad, too, but sometimes you do not really realize how bad until after you leave. Those places I never considered home; even though I lived there it just never felt like “home”. Even though I have lived in some great places, they are no longer home to me. Colorado will always be very special.
WARNING! EXISTENTIAL CONTENT AHEAD!!! If you think about it “home” is really just a state of being that exists in our minds. If you are comfortable someplace and don’t want to leave it for whatever reason (family, friends, surrounding, climate… etc.), then that is what makes it “home”.
For me the world is my home for the time being. I am just wandering around checking out the neighborhood.