February 19th, 2021

Adventure, food, Just things, Uncategorized

(Just a note that there may be a few words that might, or probably will, offend someone. If you still see it there it’s only because I didn’t edit it out.)

After roughly four full days of very little food because of lack of all appetite, my hunger is finally getting the best of me. On one hand, it has helped me to lose nearly 10 lb. in just this past five days. On the other hand, I do need to get some nourishment to repair some of the damage to my body.

Every day it gets a little easier to breathe; it’s nowhere near where I need to be but it will take time. I got maybe a little too ambitious today but all I did was vacuum the rug and go get my mail. I got my time in for my exercises while doing those few things I really needed to do but I am exhausted.

It does not help that I cannot sleep more than a few hours a night. One of the meds I am on is notorious for causing sleeplessness, hallucinations and nightmares, and even psychosis in extreme cases. I am going to give it the weekend to see if things calm down and I hope it has already. But I still woke up at 2:00 AM yet again this morning.

I heard these nightmares/hallucinations are called “lucid dreams”. It was just like it was really happening. So real. I know you are probably wondering “So…just what KIND of hallucinations?”. Oh just little things, like shadow figures walking at the foot of my bed, lights flickering…and there are no lights on. Things crawling across the walls – like lizards, insects, birds, cats…you know, the usual and the unusual things that crawl across walls. My dog was jumping on my bed…and he is in Montana until I recover. The two nights I spent in the hospital I cannot even describe because I don’t even know what happened or HOW to begin to describe it. I had some weird dream and it raged all. effing. night. long. The second night, it was the same damn dream and picked up right where I was the night before.

The third night I was home and that one about drove me insane. I was basically trapped inside the front of a giant webpage for many hours – like 8 hours. Imagine you are standing under the front of the screen at your favorite cinema. Everywhere in your peripheral vision is a webpage that big. And you are stuck on the front of it. No, really. I could not get away or shut it out, off or down. It was an auction webpage with all of the Le Creuset items I have been buying – at auction. As the night went on it got so bad. The goddamn web page was floor to ceiling on my bed, in my face, and the auctions got faster and faster. I was physically yelling outloud for it to “FUCKING STOP!!!”. It was flashing pictures, insanity, color, intensity…every possible thing assaulting your senses and then much more. I even thought I could come in and shut down my laptop maybe it would stop it. I know, right? All these dreams seemed so scary real.

Fortunately, last night there were no dreams at night, but the dog was jumping on my bed again (he is still in MT), shadow figures paced at the foot of my bed, lights were flashing around in the air, weird noises…sounds horrible to you but a much-welcomed relief for me. Was I ever really scared? No, not overly but not totally without fear. Frustrated, concerned, no control and goddamned tired & pissed off about it? Yeah, let’s say that. I will see how the weekend plays out and call if necessary. I have only been on these new meds for 4-5 days now so I am sure my body has to adjust in more ways than one.

I have been looking at the food I have in the cupboards and the other I worked so hard to cook and freeze. Even though I do try to cook mostly healthy when I cook there are things I will have to get used to not eating or eating less of or ingredients no longer okay to use. I still don’t know what the hard details of my diet boundaries are or will be but a cardiac diet is pretty, well, unfun. I don’t use much salt so that part is easy, and I eat more chicken than beef or pork (gonna miss bacon…). But cheeses?!?!?! Eggs? NOOOOoooooooo! And Kerrygold…I will always remember those buttery, golden times. Speaking of golden times, I’m talking to you, too, Hostess.

All comedy aside, I know it needs to happen and I am good with it. I am looking for ideas to do with some of the things I cannot eat so it doesn’t go to waste. There’s a lot of money and labor of love in that freezer. I won’t waste it for just those reasons, but put simply we should just not waste food any more than absolutely necessary. I have some canned goods but the food bank is not taking outside donations because of the ‘rona. I am thinking of what I can do to make sure it helps someone who really needs it. I have ideas.

Tomorrow I will be taking it easier but I hope to get rid of some stuff tomorrow morning since I am picking up all new groceries from curbside at Safeway. I browsed through various items and found some great ideas. I am getting some healthier frozen prepared meals to eat until I can get my feet back under me and can work on finding some recipes to cook. I will be looking at many plant-based possibilities but some are not healthier than say, a Whopper vs. an Impossible Whopper. They are good though.

Have a good night. Hoping the cinema in my head is closed tonight.

Me and the dog are headed to bed.

Nighttime Cold Medicine – “Medicine” or Magic Potion?

Just things, Uncategorized

Last night I was finally able to get a full night’s sleep (well, if you consider “full” five hours) in the last week and a half without taking cold medicine.

You know the one – that glowing green elixir … NyQuil, only I bought the Walgreen’s “wild berry flavor” version of it to save some money. A few searches of cold medicines on Bing that I found rates NyQuil as a must-have for cold relief, along with rest, chicken, and plenty of fluids.

Since I usually do not get sick I do not take many medicines, and even then I refrain from it because I just do not like taking the stuff. Sometimes, however, you just have to as a last resort before things REALLY get bad. Plus, sometimes you just need to get some sleep and much-needed rest.

Since I stated to feel this stuff coming on Friday I went to town and fortified my arsenal of chicken soup, cold meds, and V-8 Juices in hopes of keeping the effects of whatever this was I was catching at bay. I usually have pretty good luck with this strategy (including lots of water), and this time it kept it from getting worse, but it still hung in there for longer than I had hoped for.

Now… about that nighttime cold medicine. That stuff works great, but I have never had the side effects like that before. I ALWAYS have, what I call, a “NyQuil” hangover from that stuff generic or not. The following morning feels like some of the past, yet without the fun of the night before. I really had not been sleeping lately and that probably contributed to getting sick, along with being exposed to all the stuff in public places that goes around this time of year. I really had not had many dreams in a while, so between that and how I felt in the mornings I knew that I wasn’t sleeping soundly. I took the stuff so I COULD get some rest and get better, and it did help, but I have never had dreams like that except once before.

One of the many times I tried to quit smoking before finally stopping that stupid, disgusting habit I tried “the patch”. I am not sure what is in those things, but I think they could be used for religious rituals in some areas of the world. I had some of the absolute strangest dreams of my life while having one of those things stuck on my body. One dream in particular was so weird I still wonder about it – I was at a garage sale house near my grandparent’s house in Kansas City. It was a pleasant summer day on a quiet sidestreet and the “dream” (or hallucination?) was in vivid colors. In the yard were those old steel lawn chairs… you know the ones; those chairs that looked like a giant scallop shell painted bright red or blue or green or yellow, and the white frame. Well there were three of them in a semi-circle in the yard at this garage sale. I sat in one, David Gilmour (guitar player of Pink Floyd fame) was in the middle, and on the other side – Mark Twain. It looked like Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin in those old black and white pictures. We sat around and talked while people milled around the yard sale. It was so surreal…

Looking back at this cold medicine I am not really sure how much it helps you rest when you’re mind is going so fast you dream at such a frantic pace. I do not recall having dreams like that with the real NyQuil before, but it is the same ingredients from what I can tell. All I know is that I did get some sleep, and dreams mean you are in the deepest stage of sleep. But, when you dream like that at such a frantic pace are you really resting? It is hard for me to tell with such an exhausted, hungover feeling in the morning after taking that stuff. It makes me wonder if I am lying there twitching, like a dog running after a rabbit in their sleep, acting out the parts. It is also hard to believe that one shot of something with such little alcohol can knock you out like that, but I guess they have perfected the cocktail to do that.

I just want to know where these dreams are coming from.