February 19th, 2021

Adventure, food, Just things, Uncategorized

(Just a note that there may be a few words that might, or probably will, offend someone. If you still see it there it’s only because I didn’t edit it out.)

After roughly four full days of very little food because of lack of all appetite, my hunger is finally getting the best of me. On one hand, it has helped me to lose nearly 10 lb. in just this past five days. On the other hand, I do need to get some nourishment to repair some of the damage to my body.

Every day it gets a little easier to breathe; it’s nowhere near where I need to be but it will take time. I got maybe a little too ambitious today but all I did was vacuum the rug and go get my mail. I got my time in for my exercises while doing those few things I really needed to do but I am exhausted.

It does not help that I cannot sleep more than a few hours a night. One of the meds I am on is notorious for causing sleeplessness, hallucinations and nightmares, and even psychosis in extreme cases. I am going to give it the weekend to see if things calm down and I hope it has already. But I still woke up at 2:00 AM yet again this morning.

I heard these nightmares/hallucinations are called “lucid dreams”. It was just like it was really happening. So real. I know you are probably wondering “So…just what KIND of hallucinations?”. Oh just little things, like shadow figures walking at the foot of my bed, lights flickering…and there are no lights on. Things crawling across the walls – like lizards, insects, birds, cats…you know, the usual and the unusual things that crawl across walls. My dog was jumping on my bed…and he is in Montana until I recover. The two nights I spent in the hospital I cannot even describe because I don’t even know what happened or HOW to begin to describe it. I had some weird dream and it raged all. effing. night. long. The second night, it was the same damn dream and picked up right where I was the night before.

The third night I was home and that one about drove me insane. I was basically trapped inside the front of a giant webpage for many hours – like 8 hours. Imagine you are standing under the front of the screen at your favorite cinema. Everywhere in your peripheral vision is a webpage that big. And you are stuck on the front of it. No, really. I could not get away or shut it out, off or down. It was an auction webpage with all of the Le Creuset items I have been buying – at auction. As the night went on it got so bad. The goddamn web page was floor to ceiling on my bed, in my face, and the auctions got faster and faster. I was physically yelling outloud for it to “FUCKING STOP!!!”. It was flashing pictures, insanity, color, intensity…every possible thing assaulting your senses and then much more. I even thought I could come in and shut down my laptop maybe it would stop it. I know, right? All these dreams seemed so scary real.

Fortunately, last night there were no dreams at night, but the dog was jumping on my bed again (he is still in MT), shadow figures paced at the foot of my bed, lights were flashing around in the air, weird noises…sounds horrible to you but a much-welcomed relief for me. Was I ever really scared? No, not overly but not totally without fear. Frustrated, concerned, no control and goddamned tired & pissed off about it? Yeah, let’s say that. I will see how the weekend plays out and call if necessary. I have only been on these new meds for 4-5 days now so I am sure my body has to adjust in more ways than one.

I have been looking at the food I have in the cupboards and the other I worked so hard to cook and freeze. Even though I do try to cook mostly healthy when I cook there are things I will have to get used to not eating or eating less of or ingredients no longer okay to use. I still don’t know what the hard details of my diet boundaries are or will be but a cardiac diet is pretty, well, unfun. I don’t use much salt so that part is easy, and I eat more chicken than beef or pork (gonna miss bacon…). But cheeses?!?!?! Eggs? NOOOOoooooooo! And Kerrygold…I will always remember those buttery, golden times. Speaking of golden times, I’m talking to you, too, Hostess.

All comedy aside, I know it needs to happen and I am good with it. I am looking for ideas to do with some of the things I cannot eat so it doesn’t go to waste. There’s a lot of money and labor of love in that freezer. I won’t waste it for just those reasons, but put simply we should just not waste food any more than absolutely necessary. I have some canned goods but the food bank is not taking outside donations because of the ‘rona. I am thinking of what I can do to make sure it helps someone who really needs it. I have ideas.

Tomorrow I will be taking it easier but I hope to get rid of some stuff tomorrow morning since I am picking up all new groceries from curbside at Safeway. I browsed through various items and found some great ideas. I am getting some healthier frozen prepared meals to eat until I can get my feet back under me and can work on finding some recipes to cook. I will be looking at many plant-based possibilities but some are not healthier than say, a Whopper vs. an Impossible Whopper. They are good though.

Have a good night. Hoping the cinema in my head is closed tonight.

Me and the dog are headed to bed.

February 14th, 2021

Adventure, Just things, Uncategorized

Valentine’s Day. A day of love, candy, wine…maybe sex. None of those things were part of my February 14th festivities. I thought I would go big so I did.

I had a heart attack.

Yep a full-blown acute heart attack, complete with a no-expenses-paid ambulance ride to a cardiac unit complete with lights and sirens. After things calmed down and they got me taken care of for the time being by putting in a stent, they kept me for a few days to get x-rays, bloodwork, etc. worked to as to get an idea of how to proceed. There will be some surgery for me but I am not sure what kind it will be yet. There are a few options and those will be discussed with my new friends “the cardiologists” in a few weeks.

Yeah, I make light of it but I damn well know the seriousness. Anyone who knows me personally knows my sense of humor and it is also how I deal with things sometimes but I DO know the seriousness. I was there in the ambulance when they said “You are having a heart attack”. I was there when they told me about the blockages in my heart. This is for real and it is some scary shit.

I got back home a few nights ago and that’s when it got to me. Given that it was a heart attack it’s not good to get too upset about it for the obvious reasons. I try not to dwell on the “what-ifs” in my life but it’s hard to not think about those things when something off that magnitude happens and made me think back about my motorcycle wreck and the things that came into my mind then; you just cannot avoid it, try as you might.

So I am back at home, bruises and marks all over my body from tests, stent and IV lines and I can barely breathe & cannot sleep. But I am still here to talk about it. They are letting my heart calm down after the trauma and I have new meds as well as exercises so when we have our consults I will be ready to get done what needs to get done.

I will also get a new diet and that will be a little difficult at times (especially during travel) but given the limited options I’ll gladly give up the Kerrygold to be on this planet longer. I have been cutting back on some of the things I used to eat over the last several years so I have a pretty good start on it but there’s more to do and fast.

So the next few weeks the posts may be sparse since I was told to go home and rest. Nothing really exciting about that.

February 6th, 2019

Adventure, Just things, Scotty Hilander, Travel, Uncategorized

A year ago today I was in Amsterdam and my European adventure was (unfortunately) coming to a close. The next day it was back to Schiphol to fly home to Seattle through Iceland.┬áIt makes me remember the things I did, the places I saw and the experiences I had. I’m looking forward to the next trip back and I had already started figuring out some of the preliminary details when I was planning to go earlier.

I’ll be saving as much money up as I can so I can stay as long as possible. I really don’t need to buy much at home other than the usual daily things like food and have no major purchases planned. I should be able to still do trips in the Hilander pretty cheaply so I won’t have to spend much and still be able to get away.

It’s been pretty cold (for here) lately, with nasty roads and (gasp) snow (boo!). Reminds me why I don’t want/like to live in this stuff anymore. The forecast is looking like more is on the way Friday or so. That might affect my plans I had for Friday to meet up with some friends. I lost power twice several hours on two different days during a cold windstorm and I was really eyeing the trailer if the power didn’t come back before the house got too cold. It has a propane furnace in it and is good to have for a backup in case of emergency.

I’m definitely ready for some Spring. This year I plan to get out for more of those weekend trips in the Scotty and relax more. It should be much calmer this year and I’ll have the time to do it. I may not go far but big fun will be had. I’ll also be spending more time on the beach and doing more walking. Oh and there is always a daytrip to Seattle…you just might say I’ve got a traveling Jones going on, and I need to go someplace soon.

Actually, I need to go to bed. I’m tired. I’m enjoying these early mornings but it comes at a price.

Time Sure Flies

Just things, Travel, Uncategorized

It has been over a year now since the huge changes started in my life, and about seven months since this chapter has begun. I never really had time to think about what the future held for me since I had a huge pile of crap I had to sort through and deal with. I made it through all of the whirlwind just fine and things have gone very well. I got to do a considerable amount of travel to many places (as you will see in my earlier posts) and saw several places on my life-list (no buckets here!).

I was always confident things would be okay. Now, YOUR “okay” may be different than MY “okay”, but that’s, well… okay. I landed on my feet and in pretty good shape. I have great friends, both old and new, and family has always been there.

I just passed my first six months here at the Refuge. It has been a great experience so far and I have gotten to see, do, and learn so much. The next six months will be busy but will be fun and very rewarding. I developed an interpretive program for the Refuge and I will be presenting it to the public myself. This will help the visitors understand what we are doing here, and show them the importance of nature. I am really pretty excited about doing this program, plus it gives me some really great experience to do interpretive things at other places I may end up. I am still fine-tuning after consulting with my friend Rod, who volunteers here and does interpretive walks at Olympia National Park and is very good at what he does – he used to be a teacher and knows how to present things. He is just a really great guy. He made a few suggestions but thought it was well-written and thought I could even do it as a walking program and told me how he does that. He took my daughter Meghan out on the beach when she was here to show her some things out there about research on The Spit.

It has been so cool so far. I have had kids walk up and hug me and say “thanks”, people thanking me for volunteering and for the info I give them, and people giving me things as a thanks. I give them a bit of history and they are fascinated by the things I have researched about the area and The Spit.

It really has been an amazing journey so far and I know it is only the beginning…